The Parent Perspective -
October 2008

The Parent Perspective is a monthly feature where parents tell us how their families navigate today’s media-saturated environment.

This month’s Parent Perspective comes from Betsy in Riverside, CA. She is a pathologist and mother of two children. Betsy tells us how and why her older daughter decided to take the cable boxes out of her own room and her sister’s.

Because of recent advances in cable TV, I have always been able to limit my kids’ exposure to programs labeled kid-friendly. This ability has allowed me to feel that I was making all the decisions I needed to make about media. Then, this past summer, my thirteen-year-old daughter Lily asked that the TVs be removed from her room and her sister’s.

This change came about last year, when my family moved to a new state and the girls attended a new school. Lily was shocked by the constant foul language and the disregard that many students had both for each other and for authority. She was subjected to bullying from boys who threatened her with physical actions so repulsive that I finally had to take it up with the principal; she was then teased, by boys and girls alike, about “overreacting” to what was being said to her.

During this time, Lily became more aware of the sexualized and subtly violent undercurrents in mainstream kids’ and teen-oriented cable programs. TV was one of the few things she could still control, so she decided to limit her at-home media exposure to positive sources, watching little other than the Food Network and science channels.

We moved back into our old home a year later. Lily brought with her the experience of having been around hundreds of students who treated each other without respect and seemed fixated on watching endless re-runs of “High School Musical,” fake rock stars, and other teen-oriented shows. She decided that she did not want to go the same route, so she declared her independence from television.

I asked her about her decision, and she said, “It seemed like it would be better for me, like it was just an unhealthy habit.” The content of “kids’ shows,” she explained, was not about her or how she lived. Although the situations involved children, the characters didn’t behave like children, and it made her uncomfortable. She said, “You see ten-year-olds dating ten-year-olds, and it just seems wrong.”

What’s worse, she told me, was that when these children’s channels morphed into teen-oriented programming in the evening, they dealt with even more adult and sexualized situations. Lily was very concerned about the effect that this content could have on her eight-year-old sister, Emma, who was becoming increasingly interested in these shows. And as Lily pointed out, we couldn’t just block a few programs—the problem was mainstream. She seemed to know that her actions would have a greater effect than her words, and as she predicted, when her cable box was taken out of her room, Emma allowed hers to be removed as well.

We still have cable, and we still watch television. But we made another big change when we returned this summer: We moved our family television out of the living room and into its own room, away from the activities that make up the majority of life at home. In this “media room,” the kids are welcome to watch a favorite show or an age-appropriate DVD when the day’s tasks are complete. And when Emma declares that she is bored and misses cable, we just point out to her that television isn’t meant as a cure for boredom—it’s entertainment, and there is a time and place for it. We simply remind her that she has an ample supply of books to choose from, and we encourage her to pick one up.

Media are not inherently bad—they just need to be kept in their place. It took the resolve of my wise thirteen-year-old to make me fully comprehend the importance of being vigilant, even with “kid-friendly” programming. I would encourage you to raise these issues with your own children. Kids’ programming should teach what you would like your kids to learn; when it doesn’t, the TV needs to go off. The benefits you will reap will be real, and lasting.

If you'd like to share your own experiences or suggestions in a Parent Perspective, email us at cmch@childrens.harvard.edu. We look forward to hearing from you!