The Parent Perspective -
December 2008

The Parent Perspective is a monthly feature where parents tell us how their families navigate today’s media-saturated environment.

This month’s Parent Perspective comes from Cynthia in Newton, Ma. She is the mother of three children, Hayden (2.5), Devin Rose (6), and Tyler (9). Cynthia tells us her story about setting screen time limits for her family.

For my three children, screen time is off limits Monday through Thursday—on those days, they don’t watch TV, use handheld devices, or use the computer unless they need to for homework. On weekends, they only get screen time when they’ve earned it by reading. For every hour they spend reading, they earn a half hour of screen time.

These weren’t always our rules. When the kids were younger and home during the day, I used the TV more as a babysitter so that I could get other things done. With my third child, however, I learned to manage time better. I started doing things that needed my attention while my little one napped, and now that he is older, I do those things that need my attention when the older kids are in school and my youngest is in day care.

That strategy is useful partly because it makes TV a conscious choice instead of a babysitter—for example, we have family movie night regularly, with a bowl of popcorn and a family-friendly movie (and the kids don’t have to use earned time for that). It’s also useful, though, because it’s better for me to give the kids my full attention than to half-play with them and half-do something else. Focusing in this way makes playtime more fun, and it makes me more efficient with my other work as well

Once the kids were old enough to turn on screens by themselves, my husband and I decided to actively limit screen time altogether. We wanted to make sure that the kids stayed active and that we weren’t jeopardizing their eye sight, for example, with too much TV. We wanted to make good choices for their overall general health and to encourage healthy habits for now and for the future.

We didn’t make the no-screens-during-the-week rule immediately. For awhile, we tried limiting it in other ways, such as by allowing it only after homework was finished, or only on Tuesdays and Thursdays, or only for a half hour at a time. We found, though, that these lines were too hazy, both for us and for our kids. The rule wasn’t clear. That meant that, even though we would set time limits immediately before the TV went on, turning it off would lead to screaming, hissing fits.

Changing the rules to ban screen time during the week—and to make weekend screen time an earned privilege—was not easy, especially at first, but it has made managing screen use much, much easier. For some reason, when I turn off the TV because their earned time is up, the kids accept that limit more easily than the limits we used to create on the spot. And because the parameter is so clear and straightforward, it allows us to be consistent.

I have found this consistency to be absolutely key. Especially in the beginning, there were constant requests and begging and whining for more screen time, and it’s still a bit of a battle because they don’t like pausing their games or not finishing their shows when time is up. I had to really continue to be consistent in saying no. But the work continues to pay off. We’ve finally reached a point where they generally don’t even ask during the week because they know what our answer will be.

The limits on screen time mean that the kids have to find other things to do. They read (or are read to) frequently, and they play with the really basic toys I grew up with, like Tinker Toys, Legos, and Lincoln Logs. They also do lots of arts and crafts projects, make up obstacle courses through the house, and spend as much time as possible outside. We like to tell them, “If the sun’s out, you’re out.” And during play dates at our house, there’s no screen time allowed at all, even on weekends—if you have a play date, you play together.

I want to provide healthy environments for my children in all aspects of their lives—it’s part of my job. Not all parts of a job are fun, and setting limits like these can be a real challenge. But holding to them consistently makes the job easier, especially over time. And it also means that, when the kids do watch TV or play video games, they’re concentrated on those activities, and when they’re done, they move on to other things. That makes screen time a discrete activity to be enjoyed for itself.

If you'd like to share your own experiences or suggestions in a Parent Perspective, email us at cmch@childrens.harvard.edu. We look forward to hearing from you!